2011

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Sold a house! In this crappy market, can you believe it? It wasn't even on the market three full months!
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept a few of them. I spent way more time with Samuel this year, which was an exhausting pleasure. I've been cooking WAY more. I think I definitely found more joy in the little things this year.
Most of my resolutions for 2012 will remain the same. A do-over of sorts, since I had a baby and my plans changed.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Do I count? Because I had a lovely, lovely little girl. And so did A'Dell. And Maggie. And my friend Crystal. And Maureen. And my midwife. And...
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My last grandparent passed away-- my paternal grandmother. But I haven't been close to her in years, due to a multitude of things, all complicated.
5. What countries did you visit?
No foreign countries this year. Unless you count Alabama. Which I almost do, having lived here for several months now.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you didn't have in 2011?
Financial security. Married, adult friends. A Kindle Fire.
7. What dates from 2011 will be etched upon your memory, and why?
October 3- my due date... when I learned that Rebekkah was breech.
October 6- the day Rebekkah was born.
July 15- the last Harry Potter movie came out.
8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?
Having a baby, sans meds! after an external cephalic version. Moving while pregnant-- again. Living peacefully with my parents.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not resting properly after Rebekkah was born. No, really. After Samuel, I sprang back up with no problem. This time around, I didn't take advantage of everybody's efforts to help me rest.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Only my standard bouts of Strep. And shoving out a baby.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Health insurance? Beer? I feel like I really didn't buy a lot this year.

Oh wait!

Yesterday, I paid my registration fee for The Blathering.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My entire family through the move-in together transition. No, really. My parents have been lovely, Jeremy has been great, Samuel has been adorable, and I have been pretty decent.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
An unnamed individual who,
on top of treating one of my best friends like trash,
constantly makes poor life choices,
puts herself in constant danger,
and is rarely, if ever, faithful in her relationships
got pregnant.,
She is now constantly harping on about how she expects the father to take care of her so she can stay home. She refuses to stop smoking, drinking, or indulging in recreational drugs.
After losing a baby in September 2010, her behavior gives me total rage. There are families all over the world who would change everything about their lives if they could get pregnant.
I hate her.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills. Food. More bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finding out that I was pregnant again! The last Harry Potter movie! My sister visiting from California! Realizing that I was doing a great job of controlling my weight gain through my pregnancy!
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Since every moment of every day makes me think of a song... I HAVE NO IDEA. Maybe Moving Right Along from the Muppets Green Album.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
WAY happier! About the same weight as last year, just slightly more fluffy, since I had a baby. We're poorer right now, but we're in the process of turning that around via credit card debt consolidation, selling our house, and living with my parents.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I could have had the time and money to take a trip with my husband. I wish I could have done more traveling. More staying in touch with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eating. Whining.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Went to a candlelight midnight service Christmas Eve (honestly? one of the most boring, annoying, not-Christmassy services EVER). Got up and had breakfast with the family (before letting Samuel rip into gifts, oh the wisdom!), did gifts, and went to church AGAIN. Came home and had a delicious Korean meal. Went to Starbucks with my beloved sister. Had more Korean food. Started watching Cars when... the power went out! We spent the rest of the evening sitting around the living room, in candlelight.
21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Fell in love with my life all over again-- with my job, my husband, my son, my friends. Found new love, in the eyes of my little Droid.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Uh... uh... Firefly. I mean, it wasn't actually running, but it's what I watched. On iTunes.
Basically, anything that I happened to catch that wasn't playing on Sprout, Disney, or PBS Kids.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope. I think I even managed to let go of some hate. Because I realized that I just don't have the time or energy to waste.
24. What was the best book you read?
Pilllars of the Earth, by Ken Follett.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
See #16 above.
26. What did you want and get?
A healthy baby. Long boots. Time with friends. Great memories.
27. What did you want and not get?
A shopping spree. Techno gadgets that I don't actually need. Like a Kindle Fire. Or an iPhone. To go to The Blathering. Beer.
28. What was your favorite film of 2011?
Hop. Ha. Not really. I didn't manage to see many new movies in 2011. I think I saw four, in order from best to worst: Cars 2, Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, Hop.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 28! I was probably working. I rock it like that. Plus we were getting ready to move. And most of my festivities got postponed to the following weeks, when friends took me out for multiple meals, gave me gifts, and managed my Harry Potter obsession with more grace than I can imagine. Also, they helped me pack boxes. Happy birthday to me!
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not needing to move. Yup. That's probably it.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2011?
Will it help me stay cool? Does it emphasize pregnant over fat? Can I wear it while I'm not pregnant? Will my mother freak out over the cling/length/neckline?
32. What kept you sane?
Twitter. Because I didn't (and still don't) have the internet at my parents' house. And Twitter doesn't require a phancy phone. Also, Via Iced Coffee and my parents' yard/porch.
33. What political issue stirred you the most?
Uh... the fact that they're all liars and criminals?
34. Who did you miss?
My sister. Friends that I left behind when I moved- in 2011 AND 2008.
35. Who was the best new person you met?
Rebekkah!
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I can do it. I am strong. I can find joy in every moment of life-- even the moments that suck. Every thing that I need, I have. I am beautiful. I feel better and can manage my days beter when I wake up, shower, dress, and caffeinate before the kids wake up. I look better with long hair and tinted moisturizer.
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Rather than a song lyric, my quote for the year is from William Penn's More Fruits of Solitude.

Death is but Crossing the World, as Friends do the Seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is Omnipresent. In this Divine Glass, they see Face to Face; and their Converse is Free, as well as Pure. This is the Comfort of Friends, that though they may be said to Die, yet their Friendship and Society are, in the best Sense, ever present, because Immortal.

Thrift Store Brag!

Oh guys...

My lovely friend Kellie and I stopped in some weird discount store today, and then? She let me wander, unsupervised, through a thrift store.  Let me tell you what I picked up!

7 pairs of men's pants (2 Gap, 1 Dockers, 2 Old Navy, 1 Calvin Klein, 1 Polo)
1 pair of men's Calvin Klein jeans, new with tags
1 pair of LOFT heels (25% off!)
1 LOFT blouse                                                                                              


Total paid: $60.00

Moving, Transfers, and the Magical Speeding up of Time When You Want it to SLOW DOWN.

The management that I've dealt with since being with Starbucks (two years on July 6!) has been generally awesome. My store manager is phenomenal, as are my fellow shift supervisors, the several other store managers in my district that I've had contact with have been great, and my district manager is usually amazing.

However. 

I am currently annoyed. 

• I asked my district manager about the proper protocol for transferral.  
• She gave me some directions, which I followed. 
• I then left her a voicemail to follow up on my actions and received NO FEEDBACK. 
• So I contacted the DM of the district that I'm hoping to transfer to... she sent an email to my DM here in Virginia... who contacted my store manager and wanted to know why I was not following the proper chains of communication.
• The DM said I needed to fill out a form. 
• I did that, and left it with my store manager to finish and send to the DM. 
• AND THEN I find out that I was supposed to have done all this extra leg work and found a store to transfer to FIRST. 

WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT WHAT THE DM TOLD ME TO DO THE FIRST TIME I ASKED.

Long story short, I lost nearly a month in the transfer process because my DM didn't tell me the right things to do. UGH.

Jeremy is going to interview for a teaching position in Opelika, Alabama on Thursday morning. There is also a super long-shot at a job in IOWA, doing some kind of statistical data analysis stuff with John Deere. I think that sounds way more awesome than teaching math... but maybe that's just me.

More fun things... we have figured out that Samuel and I need to get out of this house by mid-July so that Jeremy can have us out from under his feet while he does fun things. Like paint our bedroom and ALL the trim in our house. This means I need to leave my job by July 10. It's kind of devastating for me, and I'm trying not to talk about it at work because I get all emotional and weepy. The pregnancy hormones are not helping.

The good thing is, we are actually sorting through all of our stuff and getting rid of a TON, which we really should have done last time we moved. But last time, we were moving out of and in to our own houses. This time we are moving out of our 3 bedroom/full basement house and into 2 bedrooms of my parents' house. I am super thankful for this opportunity! I have spent so much of my life holding on to crap that clutters up my space and my mind, and I am now being forced to let it go. I'm sure I'm still trying to keep too much... but I'm working on it.

I do wish that time would slow down a little. I wake up feeling a little sad every morning because I know that it's one day closer to leaving this life and these friends behind.

Take What Comes, and Live without Complaint...

So.

It looks like we're going to be moving in with my parents this fall.

I don't know if I can express how truly depressing it is to have to leave it behind. I haven't really lived with my parents since I graduated from high school. Sure, I spent summers there while in college, but it was 3 months at a time. 

We are being squashed by our finances, mostly the result of irresponsible choices early in our relationship and an unexpected pregnancy, early in our marriage and prior to the end of my husband's education... and our decision to push our luck in an attempt to let me be a stay-at-home-mom for the first seven months. The reality is, we took a lot of gambles, and most of them have been a loss. 

Jeremy didn't finish his PhD (although he did manage to turn it into a second Master's). We moved to a town that I hated. I left behind the majority of my emotional support. The first year in this new place sucked. My son didn't start sleeping through the night until he was a year old, and I was the only one getting up with him. Every time I made a new friend, they had to move. Literally.

And then? I started working at Starbucks. And it changed my whole life. I made friends. I talked to real adults-- sorry, Jim Dale. Listening to you read Harry Potter on a constant loop just wasn't good enough. I was promoted. I got a new manager-- the best boss, EVER. I became part of a team, a family. Part of a group of people who were interested in my development, professionally and personally. I am not sure I can count the number of times my boss saw me cry and listened to my woes. She was the first person to hear about my miscarriage, other than my husband, obviously. At one o'clock in the morning. She told me to take whatever time I needed to recover. She and one of the other management team members have been there for me in every trial. They gave me candid advice and constructive criticism. I found purpose, drive, and ambition. This summer makes two years of barista bliss. And while I will be leaving this store, it is definitely my intention to stick with the company as long as humanly possible.

A few weeks ago, a store manager position came available in what I consider to be my "home town." In a moment of desperate, delirious hope, I applied. For a shining moment, I thought I could go home. That I could do something to rectify our financial situation. That I could keep us out of my parents' house. But. I'm honestly just not ready for that position yet, and my district manager and my current store manager both know it.

I have to admit that I am doing a lot of grieving about this situation. I tried to put a cheerful face on it for a while. But the truth is... it's going to suck. A lot. A LOT. It's going to try us. It's going to push my relationships to the edge-- my relationship with my mother, my father, my husband, and my child(ren). I am going to have to learn to be far more honest and vocal than I ever was in the past, living with my parents as a child.

You know what, though?

It is going to grow me. Stretch me.

And?

There are so many more terrible things that could be happening in my life. We are not getting chased out of our house. We have someplace to go. My current pregnancy (22.5 weeks now!) is going strong-- healthy and perfect as can be. My son is healthy. My husband has 8 (eight!) educational endorsements in math and science, and should be able to get a job in Alabama with no trouble. We have friends from Virginia Tech who live 2 hours from my parents. My parents have a house that will allow us a measure of privacy. 

I cannot change what is coming. But I can change the way I face it.

"Take what comes, and live without complaint. What will be, will be. Life is woman's gift; death is God's."

Resolution Updates and a Comparison...

It's been 2 whole months since I posted last... I guess that's better than 12 months, though.

Would you like to know how the resolutions are coming along?

•  I did manage to lose some weight, and I was down to 165. And then? I found out that I was pregnant. While I'm no longer doing Weight Watchers... I'm definitely trying to watch myself this time around. Baby's due 10/03!
• Cooking! I've been cooking real food way more often! This is mostly due to the fact that we promoted another supervisor, so I only close one night a week. AND? Yesterday, I learned how to use the delayed start function on my super awesome oven, so that means even more easy dinner options.
• Cake decorating... um. Pregnant. However! I did make peanut butter cups for husband and friends for Valentine's Day.
• Spending more time with my awesome son!  Samuel was pretty sick for about 2 weeks about a month back, and I spent 4 days doing nothing all day except sitting in the recliner and holding him. That time turned Samuel into a total Mama's boy. As in, he WAILS for me at daycare when he wakes mid-nap. He tells Jeremy, "No touching MY MOMMY!" We spend more time cuddling up most mornings, and I've kept him home on days off so we can go to the park and have picnics together. It is pure joy.
• Running? Ha. Pregnant.
• Mass? Uh... I totally missed Ash Wednesday, and I STILL haven't decided what to give up for Lent. Catholic convert fail.
• I've been working hard to stay on top of household tasks lately-- saying no to meeting friends at Starbucks, and turning down invitations to play Settlers of Catan just so I can do laundry, dishes, pick up toys, prep dinner, and scrub the floors. It makes me feel good about myself. Even though I do really love Catan.

 Last night, I fixed a baked ziti type thing for dinner... complete with this sauce.   At first, Samuel refused to eat... and then he became a human vacuum cleaner. He wound up with sauce allllll over his face. It was so cute that we had to take pictures. Then we got to comparing dirty-face/bathtime pictures, and oh my God, just look at this:

Six chubby little months!

2 years and four months!

Laundry Basket, Thy Name is Victory

As soon as Samuel gets home from school (daycare), he demands that we help him take off his shoes and socks.  I'd gotten tired of picking up little stray socks all over the house, and was determined to find a solution that would help maintain my sanity AND teach Samuel good habits.  A few days ago, I bought a very small children's laundry basket at Target. 

When I got it home, I explained to Samuel that his dirty clothes needed to go in the basket.  To reinforce that idea, I helped him put his dirty socks in it, and then made a big deal about it-- complete with cheering and a hug. 

Now?  As soon as we take his socks off, Samuel jumps up and announces that he needs to put his socks in his basket, and takes off down the hall.  Cheering about dirty clothes aaaaaalll the way.  Tonight, as I undressed him for his bath, I had to wait for him to take his clothes into his room, to put in his basket.

Win.

New Year, New Post, New Resolutions

It's been over a year now, since my last post. My writing slowed dramatically when I started working 18 months ago, and has vanished into nothingness.

So, let's recap, shall we?

I got promoted a few weeks after my last post, and am currently a shift supervisor at Starbucks.
I visited my sister in San Diego for July 4 and my birthday.
I came home and got pregnant.
I had a miscarriage 8 weeks later.
Went through some crazy depression (surprise!) and relationship issues for several months.
My son turned 2 right after Thanksgiving.
I lost 15 pounds-- Hey thanks, depression.
We had the most relaxed Christmas ever-- it involved opening gifts, playing with my son, and our family eating frozen pizza for dinner. Also... I think there was snow. But seriously? If every Christmas could be like that one, I would be delirious with joy.

And now?

I have my 18 month review with my store manager on Sunday afternoon. I think we're going to talk extensively about my options for a long-term future with Starbucks... and about the Coffee Master Program, which is super exciting to me!

Jeremy goes back to work on Tuesday after 3.5 weeks at home-- he's a high school Physics teacher. I'm both thankful and sad. We have gotten to spend a lot more time together. And by "a lot more" I mean... we've seen each other more than just 90 minutes a day (usually the maximum during the school year). However... my days off are a lot more productive when I'm alone.

My son? SO SMART. No, really. I don't like to be that perpetually bragging parent... but seriously. He wants to watch "space shuttle rocketships" on YouTube. The real NASA launch videos. He understands using the potty-- although, I don't think he's physically capable just yet. He tells you, "Don't worry" when you look worried. He jokes with us-- about what animals we're looking at, what color something is, etc. He knows that mommy works at the Coffee Store. He loves LOVES vegetables. He peels the breading off of fried okra... and eats just the OKRA. He is super active, as he should be, but he also loves to snuggle up for reading multiple Curious George stories (sometimes up to 75 pages!) and Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel.

We've been doing a ton of work in the house... repainted Samuel's room, re-refinished the kitchen cabinets, sorting through all the crap we should have taken care of when we moved into this house 2.5 years ago. It's been a productive Christmas season for us! Our bathrooms are getting a little touch up next, and then we're repainting our bedroom.

I've been crocheting a lot again, too. I'm working on a Moebius scarf-- it's peacock blue/green and navy. I'll show it to you when I'm done.

On to the resolutions!

1. Seriously lose some weight. No more messing around. I think that 15 pound loss was a motivational jump start for me-- I went down a pants size! I've gone from 185 to 170. I would like to lose another 40 pounds this year.
No.
I want to, and I will.
There.
I put it in writing.

2. Go see a mental health professional and potentially get on some medication. This is something I've talked about doing for years... whenever things get really bad, I tell myself I'm going to. And then I go through a good season, and I tell myself I don't need it. I don't want to live like that anymore-- with that feeling of drowning in sadness, no matter what's going on in my life.

3. Go on a trip with just Jeremy and me. Even if it's only 2 days.

4. Spend time with more "real" adults and other married couples. For me, this is a true challenge! Most of my friends are single and/or younger than I. It's very convenient that way-- they don't have all the obligations that I do, so we work our social events around my life. Ew. That sounds way more self-centered than I meant it to. But really. Hanging out with real adults and other couples (especially those with children) requires a lot more work and more planning ahead. But I am truly resolved. This is something Jeremy and I both need.

5. Attend Mass regularly and get involved at my church. Especially in the choir.

6. Make a cake (even if it's just a dummy) once a week, starting when Jeremy goes back to school. I really need to get my skills back up and I need to learn some new ones. I think I'm going to start practicing with fondant, too. But I think I'm going to hold off on that until this summer, after I've honed my icing skills. I'll try to post pictures as I go.

7. Cook dinner more regularly. And by cook, I do not mean pull Stouffer's from the freezer. Although, I do love their lasagna. Three to four days a week, I have to work during dinner. Jeremy usually goes to the local grocery store and buys dinner for himself and Samuel from the hot bar there. I have a degree in culinary arts, and it's going to waste while my family eats garbage.

8. Keep Samuel home from daycare longer/more often on my days off.

9. Run five miles without stopping.

10. Find joy in every day.

And now... it's 1:05, and Samuel will be up at 7:00 no matter what.
Good night! And good luck to us all this year!