I haven't been big on New Year Resolutions for a long time.
It was on my list of things to do this year, but we were just having too much fun during Jeremy's break from school. I came down with strep on December 22 and was sick through Christmas. Samuel and Jeremy came down with it on December 28. The in-laws were here on New Year's Day. In two and a half weeks, I never had the house to myself. I never made it to Mass. There was no chance for me to settle down and get all deep and introspective.
I'm off from work on Wednesday and Thursday this week, and you'd better believe I'll be spending most of it alone. Blessedly alone. Hopefully, on Wednesday I'll take Samuel to daycare, and then come home to a bottle of sparkling white wine (oh, Moscato d'Asti, how I adore you!), fold laundry, watch a movie, and go get a hair cut. I'd like to throw fixing a nice dinner into those plans as well. On Thursday, I think I'd like to go into the basement and do some SERIOUS sorting and reorganizing. We'll see about that.
This is what I see in my mental dictionary when I hear the word resolution
"Resolution: (noun) the passing of a voice part from a dissonant to a consonant tone or the progression of a chord from dissonance to consonance."
What? Yeah, I know. The musician in me just can't help it.
Besides being determined to do something, resolutions are (for me) a chance to rid my life of the dissonance. A chance to fill my life with a peaceful, graceful harmony.
So, here are a list of dissonances and the resolutions I hope to achieve:
1. I have always had a shaky relationship with women. This includes myself. I find myself being cynical, rude, degrading, and sometimes just hateful about females. I would like to take more risks in my friendships this year. I intend to step out of my comfort zone more often, and to extend a hand of friendship to more females. I hope to be more loving, kind, and understanding toward my fellow women.
2. I battle constant insecurity. About my work, my intellect, my appearance, my ability as a mother, as a wife, as a lover, as a friend, as a Christian. It's exhausting and confusing. This year, I will work toward being more accepting of who I am, and who I am supposed to be. I will shake off the fear of what others might think.
3. My health has always been at the bottom of the totem pole. I have really abused my body-- too much food, too much caffeine, and not enough water, sleep, exercise, or veggies. My immune system has been so resilient, but when I got strep I realized that I have been expecting it to be strong no matter what. That needs to stop. I will start taking better care of my body. It's the only one I've got.
4. Self-discipline. I know. I just said that I want to be accepting of who I am (which is an easy-going, relaxed, artsy-type), but now I'm saying I want to change who I am? No, not really. I just want to be a little less... chaotic. I think it's necessary for achieving most of my other resolutions.
And here are some goals, which I know some people would consider to be resolutions also... but I think of them more as secondary things.
1. Get my wisdom teeth taken care of. Yes, I still have them. 3 of 4 are impacted, and Jeremy and I think this might be part of the cause of my frequent head/neck pain.
2. Lose some weight. In a perfect world, where Samuel naps when he should and sleeps through the night, and I stay home with him, and have time to consistently fix good meals and exercise, I would say fifty-sixty pounds. In the real world though, where I work a fluctuating schedule at Starbucks and don't eat well, I will say thirty.
3. Get pregnant. Note that this is last. That is because I don't want to do this one until I have done the other two. I think that is sensible.
Here's to 2010!
I think I'll go drink a lot of water, and go to sleep now. With the intention of getting up early and running in the morning. We'll see.