You Are Loved

I adore Josh Groban. He's definitely on The List. While driving home from bowling with several nerdy (read: awesome) people, I heard this song on the radio:

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one is to be heard
You are loved

I totally choked up while driving. I know. Sappy. But you know, my husband has really embodied the spirit of this song on several occasions.

Throughout our conversion to the Catholic Church, our wedding plans, my multiple solo trips, our school plans, the surprise pregnancy, my hormones and the crazy depression that ensued.

Through our move, my seven months at home with Samuel, my transition to working mom, and even now during my transition to balanced working adult with child, Jeremy has held me while I cried, volunteered to watch Samuel while I go do things (like bowl and go to fraternity reunions) on my own, and made me talk (with frankness and honesty) about things that are bothering me.

When I tell him that I just don't know how to solve my unhappiness, he tells me that it is okay, and that I am never alone.

He encourages me to better myself and to do things that make me a stronger, healthier individual-- emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I know there are a lot of people who believe that I must be a total doormat, that I was one of those silly girls who wasn't "complete" without a husband, and that I have lost all of my identity.

I've been a lot of different people in the past. I have done a lot of pretending. I have worn several masks. Oh sure, on occasion there was a person I could trust-- my sister, Mary. My best friend, Sarah. But they have been rare.

In reality, Jeremy has helped me find my inner strength and has helped bring out who I really am. Granted, I was on that road when we met, but I realized that he was somebody with whom I could truly be free.

I could go on for hours (and maybe you feel like I have!), talking about the man that Jeremy is. But really, I would say that all anybody has to do is compare who I was ten years ago to who I am now... and they will see.

I am so thankful to know, even on the worst of days, even when we're unhappy about a situation or an action, that I am loved as ME.

On the Precipice

It's been about a month since the last time I wrote anything. A long month.

In half an hour, I turn 26. "Old as dirt," as my father would say. But I don't feel all that old. I guess it's a good thing :)

In 7.5 hours, I will drop Samuel off at daycare for the first time ever. All the stuff is packed up-- diapers, wipes, food, bibs. Bottles are in the fridge, waiting to be zipped into a insulated bag with a Medela ice pack. We've finally got Samuel going back and forth, from breast to bottle and back. That's something we should have taken care of a long time ago... but I wanted to postpone the inevitable. I loved being selfish and keeping him to myself. I loved that sense of being important and needed.

In 9.5 hours, I return to the work world. At Starbucks! To be honest, I've wanted to work for Starbucks for AGES. That part of me is thrilled. I love hands-on, high energy, fast-paced work. And people! I love people. And then... there's the free and discounted coffee. Definitely looking forward to that part.

I've decided that I need to be the one to drop Samuel off tomorrow for a few reasons:

• That's how it's going to be when Jeremy goes back to work next month. Why make things more difficult with MORE transitions?
• I want to make sure I get everything straight-- you know, the annoying details. Did I pack the right stuff? Does more of it need to be labeled? etc.
• And finally. If I drop him off at 7:00, it gives me plenty of time to come home, sob all over Jeremy, and get composed before I go to work.

I'm trying to have a positive outlook on the situation. I will probably cherish every.single.second of time that I have with Samuel, rather than looking for moments to sneak away. Jeremy will be able to get stuff done around the house, which he couldn't do with Samuel underfoot-- kitchen work, yard work, research paper stuff, etc. Somebody else will have to handle the naps. I can talk to adults other than Jeremy. I will come home smelling like coffee. My boss seems to be an excellent combination of friendly and businessy. Starbucks plays excellent music.

And so, I quote the Lady Galadriel in my moment of emotional melodrama.

My "quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains while all the Company is true."

It's going to be a bumpy (and probably weepy) few weeks. If I get all bogged down in the negatives and let my emotions run all over me, I know I will come completely unhinged. But. As long as I have friends to lean on, and my wonderful supportive husband, I know that good will come of all of this. My Company is true!

Wantiness, Stuff, and Sensibility

Today, I found the greatest find in my history as a mom.

A Chicco Cortina Stroller. For free.

That brings us to a total of 4 strollers (don't ask): a Bell Jogger, a Graco Passage, a Graco Glider, and the Chicco Cortina. Also, 2 Graco SnugRides

My brilliant plan was to sell off all things Graco.

Yay!

Then Jeremy got all reasonable and logic-y with me. We should sell one SnugRide, one Graco stroller and... the Chicco. Because in order to use the Chicco conveniently with the future children, we would have to buy a Chicco car seat.

I was not opposed to buying a different car seat for the next child... after all, the Gracos will be expired by the time he shows up. Then, I went to the Chicco website and looked. Car seat= $180.

Even in my continuous state of "cute stuff" wantiness... I cannot justify that.

7 (yarn-related) Quick Takes Friday (#12)

1. Jeremy and I have been talking a great deal about the big fuss everybody seems to be making these days over soy and bamboo yarns and fabrics. The manufacturers like to call them "natural fibers." We were suspicious and investigated. The conclusion is no. There is very little about these yarns that is natural, save their origin. The plants are ground up and mixed with some chemicals, and then spun, etc. boring chemistry stuff, and then... you have very pretty, very soft threads. So really... soy and bamboo fabric is a subset of the rayon (made from trees) family, which also includes things like "viscose" and modal (made specifically from the beech tree).

On a positive note, soy threads are made from the waste product of soy processing plants, rather than brand new plants... unlike bamboo. Yes, I know... bamboo takes care of itself. Also, the quantity of chemical products used is kept to a minimum because they can use the same batch of chemicals repeatedly.

2. It has been raining for days. Okay, maybe not. But it feels like it. So much so that I had to put away my regular crochet project (which will be cream, brown, and blue) and start some advance work on Christmas presents... which will be made with this lovely Moonlight Mohair from Lion Brand Yarn. It has bright colors and some sparkle, making it perfect for rainy days and gift-giving.

3. I would like to know why so many yarns are mostly acrylic.

4. And why doesn't anybody produce a nice soft cotton yarn in a large skein. Why does my yarn only come in 3.5 oz. skeins? My favorite yarn of late is "I Love this Cotton" from Hobby Lobby, by the way.

5. I have a terrible habit of picking up yarns "just in case." Especially at my local Big Lots-- don't judge! But come on... if I can pick up several skeins of $6-$8 yarn for $1.50, I'm not going to say no. Even if they are small.

6. Once a long time ago, I tried to use some boucle/very textured yarn. It was a disaster. I had to pull out stitches repeatedly, and it wasn't long before it was all tangled up. I told myself I would never ever ever use that stuff again. And then... I found this stuff. I thought, "No.Way.No.No.No." And then I thought, "Oh... it's so bright and happy looking. I could make a really cute blanket for Samuel. It would be perfect for him. Oh look... the name of the color is Jellybean. How can I say no?" So... those three skeins followed me home. Today, I remembered why my first instinct was to run.away. Because that stuff is a tangly mess. It's impossible to see your stitches!

7. This is not yarn-related, but I'll include it for my sister Mary, who doesn't really care about yarn, and reads my blog no matter how terrible my posts are... and lets me know when I've misspelled things. Especially in posts that criticize other people. Who probably read the title of this and said, "Sheila. Really?"

Today was the last day of school for Jeremy. And so, I am letting Samuel cry tonight. I actually had to stop in the middle of #4 to calm him down a little bit. I know that probably negates the purpose of letting him cry... but when he gets to screaming, I just don't think it's very productive. They say that you usually see the best results after three nights. By God, I hope so. I am ready for a full night of sleep.

Couponing

So... I'm trying to use coupons.

Tonight, I retail therapied at CVS and the grocery store. Here's where it went, and the regular retail price:

• Neti pot 11.99
• Bacon 2.89
• Chicken Drumsticks 4.39
• Chicken Thighs 5.24
• Dozen Eggs 1.09
• Breyer's Vanilla Ice Cream 5.19
• French Bread 1.89
• Pedicure set 9.99
• 2 Nail polishes 7.98
• French manicure stickers 2.49
  
• 2 pairs of Rubber Gloves 4.16 (these are to protect my French manicures... it was retail therapy, remember?)
  

Grand Total: $60.16

After coupons, Extra Bucks, and bonus cards, I paid...

$36.06

In which Samuel comes totally unhinged.

We got my Samuel the cutest ducky tub ever. It is inflatable and quacks when you press the beak. I thought it was a great idea-- Samuel would love it, and it wouldn't make a mess in the kitchen anymore. I mean, the kid is 20 pounds and 27.5 inches... he's getting a little big for that kitchen sink tub.

For 3 days in a row, Samuel screamed hysterically when we put him in it! Even when I got in the big tub, he was NOT.HAPPY. On the second day, we put the ducky in the living room and let him sit in it there. It was fine. Bath time comes around. Screaming ensues.

Yeah. Not sure what else to do about that.

Also, Samuel has slept all night three times. THREE. Ever. That's it. One of those was last week. Once school is over though, Jeremy is going to participate in the late-nightness. And it's going to be awesome.

I hope.

7 Quick Takes Friday (#11)

1. Remember that time that I was so excited about Jeremy's new job? Well, guess what Jeremy's current school system has done? After first telling Jeremy that his job was going to the department "coordinator, " they offered him a job in middle school science because that was "all they had left". Seriously? I mean, the man has a Masters degree. In Physics. From Virginia Tech. A governor's school offered him a job teaching Physics. Jeremy says yes and tells the current school goodbye. Thennnnn... the current school system says, "Oh wait! We have a Chemistry/Physics position available at the hoity-toity magnet school." Drama.

Now we have to investigate a bunch of crap and make another decision. That's the part that bothers me most.

2. On a happy note, we took dinner to Charlottle and Rob Melton tonight and met little Bobby. What a joyful little family!

3. After hounding us to death, Verizon finally offered us a deal that was too sweet to pass up and we renewed our contract. That means... I got a new phone. Yay!

4. Until about 2 months ago, Samuel slept great! Usually slept 9-3 and then 3-7. I didn't mind getting up and doing that middle of the night feeding AT ALL. Fast forward to... last night. When he was up 15 times. 7-8 of those were with in 10 (ten! TEN!) minutes of each other. I gave him some Tylenol tonight, hoping that it was teeth. Oh God, I hope this fixes it.

5. One of the things that I look forward to now is September! One of my favorite bloggers is helping to host a mommy-blogger get together in Sacramento, and I have every intention of attending. I also want to visit Mary in San Diego that week, since I'll be on the West Coast already. I just need to figure out what to do with my 10 month old that week...

6. Oh my God... I'm too tired to do anymore.