Sunday, July 5, 2009

On the Precipice

It's been about a month since the last time I wrote anything. A long month.

In half an hour, I turn 26. "Old as dirt," as my father would say. But I don't feel all that old. I guess it's a good thing :)

In 7.5 hours, I will drop Samuel off at daycare for the first time ever. All the stuff is packed up-- diapers, wipes, food, bibs. Bottles are in the fridge, waiting to be zipped into a insulated bag with a Medela ice pack. We've finally got Samuel going back and forth, from breast to bottle and back. That's something we should have taken care of a long time ago... but I wanted to postpone the inevitable. I loved being selfish and keeping him to myself. I loved that sense of being important and needed.

In 9.5 hours, I return to the work world. At Starbucks! To be honest, I've wanted to work for Starbucks for AGES. That part of me is thrilled. I love hands-on, high energy, fast-paced work. And people! I love people. And then... there's the free and discounted coffee. Definitely looking forward to that part.

I've decided that I need to be the one to drop Samuel off tomorrow for a few reasons:
  • That's how it's going to be when Jeremy goes back to work next month. Why make things more difficult with MORE transitions?
  • I want to make sure I get everything straight-- you know, the annoying details. Did I pack the right stuff? Does more of it need to be labeled? etc.
  • And finally. If I drop him off at 7:00, it gives me plenty of time to come home, sob all over Jeremy, and get composed before I go to work.
I'm trying to have a positive outlook on the situation. I will probably cherish every.single.second of time that I have with Samuel, rather than looking for moments to sneak away. Jeremy will be able to get stuff done around the house, which he couldn't do with Samuel underfoot-- kitchen work, yard work, research paper stuff, etc. Somebody else will have to handle the naps. I can talk to adults other than Jeremy. I will come home smelling like coffee. My boss seems to be an excellent combination of friendly and businessy. Starbucks plays excellent music.

And so, I quote the Lady Galadriel in my moment of emotional melodrama.
My "quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains while all the Company is true."
It's going to be a bumpy (and probably weepy) few weeks. If I get all bogged down in the negatives and let my emotions run all over me, I know I will come completely unhinged. But. As long as I have friends to lean on, and my wonderful supportive husband, I know that good will come of all of this. My Company is true!